Carly

What did I do to make them pull away?

Carly, 27, sits in a work meeting and shares an idea about improving their onboarding process. Mid-sentence, she notices her colleague glance down at her phone. Carly hesitates for a moment, then continues. By the end of the meeting, she’s spiralling.

Afterwards, she replays it:

Was I rambling? Did I say something stupid?
She looked bored. I knew it. I talk too much. Everyone’s probably sick of me.

She takes the glance as disapproval, reinforcing her belief she did something wrong. She even considers messaging the group to "clarify" what she meant, though no one asked.

Carly fills in the blanks with criticism. She assumes judgment or boredom; never neutrality. If someone doesn’t smile, they’re annoyed. If someone replies late, they’re pulling away. She’s on constant alert for rejection, always finding proof that she doesn’t belong.

Growing up, Carly’s father was warm one moment, withdrawn the next. Her mother often asked, “What did you say to make him upset?” So Carly learned: If someone pulls away, it’s probably your fault. You are the wrong thing. Over time, she developed an emotional radar — scanning tone, face, body language for clues. But instead of keeping her safe, it just kept her stuck. She didn’t see people clearly; only the threat.

Carly over-explains and pre-apologizes; tries to “fix” misunderstandings that don’t exist. She doesn’t just fear rejection. She anticipates it.

Carly doesn’t lack social skills. She has a distorted inner dialogue hijacking her clarity. Her self-esteem filters every interaction through the question: 

“Did I say something that made them pull away?”

When that question sets the tone, even neutral moments feel threatening. Carly isn’t being dramatic; she’s trying to stay safe. Only when Carly begins to see the difference between what actually happened and what she interpreted it to mean, that a new possibility opens:

Maybe the glance wasn’t about her.
Maybe silence isn’t rejection.

Maybe she can stay, even when it feels uncomfortable and trust that she can take up space.